One of My Roommates Locks His Door... And I Think I Know Why

Believe it or not, it's not the one I not-so affectionately refer to as "Cheese Whiz." Despite his numerous paranoid claims that I go in his room often (and for no particular reason), Cheese Whiz, to the best of my knowledge, usually leaves his room unlocked. No, it's another roommate. So why does he keep his room locked?

I'm sure you've seen the classic teen film American Pie, and the infamous scene in which Tara Reid and the kid from Rookie of the Year are about to have sex for the first time. It's a pretty intense moment. And just when you think they're gonna do it, the little brother bursts out of the closet like a hot Pop-Tart and screams, "FUCKERS! You guys are fuckers!" Then jumps on the bed, continuing to chant, "FUCK-ERS! FUCK-ERS!"

Now, although it is not impossible, it is less than likely that I would do this... Sober, at least. But, he does get a lot of play, so I guess it's better to be safe than sorry.

New Hotness

Here are the latest KriegerStyle originals:

http://astro.temple.edu/~dkrieger/stayfly.mp3

http://astro.temple.edu/~dkrieger/thecorner.mp3

Let's Step Up Our A-Game

Folks, the forecast high today is 38 degrees, and as I see it, we've got no one to blame but ourselves. The average high this time of year is 56! We need to be out there driving cars, clearing rainforests, and burning fossil fuels. Whose fault is it that Global Warming isn't happening fast enough? It's yours. So get out there with your riding lawn mower and your H2. Make us proud!

School Spirit, Ckufathomaaaaaaaa

Yo, where is the Temple school spirit, y'all? You go to somewhere like Penn State, and all they wear is Penn State shit. Hats, sweatshirts, tee shirts, bags, shoes, dog carriers, all have Penn State logos on them. But at Temple? The kids wear shit from OTHER schools.

Oh well, maybe we're better for it.

Celebrity Endorsements Are Fun!

Why is it that retired athletes are so popular for sponsoring erectile dysfunction drugs? Of course, athletes make great sponsors, but it seems like the message they send is that once you hit 40, you get ED. But I want to know, what about younger people with ED? Don’t they have feelings? Isn’t there someone who can be a spokesperson for them? I think LeBron James should be the official guy for Levitra. The commercial would probably go something like this:

HI, I’M NBA SUPERSTAR LEBRON JAMES. WHEN I’M NOT WEARING NIKE OR DRINKING SPRITE, I’M FUCKIN’ THE BITCHES AND SLAPPIN’ THE HOES. BUT TAKE IT FROM ME: IT’S NO PICNIC. WHILE I NEVER GET TIRED OF SLAPPIN’ THE HOES, SOMETIMES I JUST CAN’T FIND THE INNER STRENGTH TO FUCK THE BITCHES, EVEN WHEN I LOOK TO MAGIC JOHNSON FOR INSPIRATION. THAT’S WHY I TAKE LEVITRA. LEVITRA GETS ME BACK IN THE GAME! IT’S A SLAM DUNK! THANKS, LEVITRA!

Mmmm.... Salty.

If you didn't know it was supposed to snow tonight, all you had to do was walk outside and listen to the crunch-crunch of the salty goodness of the sidewalk. It's snowed so seldom this winter, everyone gets all excited and prepares for SnowFest 2006 every time they forecast an inch. But you know, if we all wore Ludacris-toasted Pumas, we wouldn't need to salt the sidewalks. Our SHOES would melt the snow.

Ponder that, Socrates.